3am

Oh the joys of the late night/early morning wakings. I recently was venting to a close friend and she reminded me of how precious this time is and that I need to cherish it because pretty soon, Gavin won't need me nearly as much as he needs me now. I thought to myself, how true this statement is. But when I'm waking several times a night, it always seems to slip my mind... And this breastpump? If I NEVER hear that horrible suction noise again, it will be too soon. I'm ready to drop kick this thing and never look back!

Anyhow, tonight is a good one! I was able to sneak out for a bit once Chris got home and have sushi happy hour with some old friends from work. This just reminded me of how much my life has changed since Gavin was born... The stresses, gossip, and drama of the workplace used to consume a big portion of my life. It's now non-existant and I can't say I really miss it. Which leads my mind into thinking about March 11th... Oh March 11th. Am I strong enough to do this? To leave Gavin with people that are strangers to him? Yes, I trust these people, but trusting them with Gavin is like trusting them with my life and I just don't know if God has made me strong enough to face this battle... 3 people have volunteered to watch him, but I can't get over the feeling that they feel obligated because they are our friends... UGH. I want them to watch him because they love him and want to look after him. I hate thinking about March 11th because a huge lump in my throat always meets my thoughts and I immediatly tear up. What will that first day back be like? Is it this hard for other mom's who go back to work? And how quickly does it get easier?

Well, this will be it for now. Gavin has only woken up once so far tonight and I'm going back to my comfy bed!